Getting closer with SMS – The levels of relationship development

In the past days I got 22 SMS from her. Usually a nice good-morning smiley, then another good-night smiley. And in between some updates on current activities. I counter with a total of 69 SMS.

A sense of familiarity and closeness has developed. Amazing how with just 160 letters per message, one is still able to build a relationship. We know that we are thinking about each other, no matter where we are.

From my experience now I can draft the following theory on levels in the development of a relationship:

1. Initial contact. Just seeing each other, and friendly informal words. Only topics in professional conduct are discussed.


2. Friendly replies, slightly revealing personal topics: some facts from own life, some preferences.


3. more revealing talk: some deeper preferences, philosophical attitudes, life philosophy. Comment on each other’s views.


4. Already getting personal: greetings for good morning, and good night, combined with smileys.


5. Some expressive affection, such as joy, sadness, etc., related to other than the relation itself.


6. Realisation of what possible loss of communication could mean. Confirmation of importance this communication. No mention yet of relationship.


7. Transcendence into personal relationship: briefly mentioning importance of this communication for personal feeling.


8. Talking about existing romantic relationship with others, sharing thoughts on that.


9. Talking about ongoing developing relationship with each other, first confession of feelings for each other.

Important is that one cannot skip any level, but must work the way through each level before aiming at the next one. I feel that we have reached level 6 by now.

Tomorrow she will leave her parents and stay for a while in another town. I wonder if she stays with friends or in a hotel. A short SMS query will bring clarification.