A simple question

Well, how can this be the end, when I am still in love with her?
I just cannot let it go... yesterday night, after I had sent her the "bye" message durig the day, I could not stand it any longer, and I sent her an SMS, with an almost apology... I could not remain silent. After I had sent my email yesterday, in which I made clear my intend to stop this communication now, there was no reply from her, just silence. And after that SMS that I sent late at night, silence too.

Now I had another idea: I wanted to have a clear answer to the question, if she could imagine to have a relation with me, in case her boyfriend would not be there and she would be free. This is an important question, one that I tried to answer reading in between all the lines that she sent so far. The answer was not visible, although I strongly feel that it would be: yes, she would be able to have a relationship with me. But her stubbornness in refusing a meeting with me might be an indicator otherwise; maybe she does not want to be with an old guy like me; maybe I am not her type in real life. I need to know, so I need to ask her directly. In an email I sent this night at 3 am to her, I ask it.

Her reply this morning: "You should find yourself a girlfriend."

Well, this is not exactly an answer to my question, but it is a reply. Is very clear, but does she actually mean it? Now that I have asked directly, I got an indirect answer. She did not refuse to be with me, just indirectly re-directed me to someone else.

I will never be able to understand women!