She is fine.

At 10:45 finally an SMS, she is fine.
Just was very tired. I am so relieved.
She sends a few more emails, now that she finally has again email access, apologizing, after she realizes that she has made me so worried. Promises me a good dinner some time. Now I am happy, feel quite stupid about my fears. I think I acted way too possessive... but I love her. How else should I feel?

In the joy that she is ok, mixes the anger about that she stays with the boyfriend. Did they have nice sex together, while I was worrying for nothing?

I look again at the picture that I found of her on the web with that guy – I do not know it this is actually him, but he does not look anything special. Has no decent web site, no plans, ideas, looks ordinary. What does she see in him? He looks like he has a nice personality – maybe that is it. But I have a nice personality too, I think!

Well, again I get all mixed up. Didn’t she give me all these positive signals? All these messages she sent? I should only rely on them. But there just are the facts – that she is now staying in the apartment of her boyfriend, and that they have a great time together. And that makes me mad as hell.