Soft Landing - Back in Reality

More than a week has passed since my return from travel. I waited with sending my email to her until a few days later. A good-bye email, long, with some explanations, countering what she said, but acecpting her decision.

Then, on this past weekend, I could not remain silent and sent her a mail describing the discrepancies in her behavior that I observed... explaining how I came to these misunderstandings. Monday her reply. She apologised for those "mixed messages" that she had sent. And I counter with an apology from my end, for my misunderstanding, for my inappropriateness. A smiley back from her. So this was a save landing back in reality.

The relationship has been straightened out. She is with her boyfriend / partner, is committed to him. I have no other choice than to accept this, and I do. Not willingly, not happily, but there is no other way.

But I am overall glad how I acted in this: it seemed pretty stupid, way too honest, with all my feelings pouring out... but in the end everything got straightened out: she knows now exactly what I think, how I feel. She knows that I am there, at least for a while. And we are in a positive tune. Silent for now, but no bridges have been burnt. She mentioned that at some time later we could resume again a friendship. I did not ask deeper, as again this would reveal that I misunderstood something..., but I kept the ambiguity, knowing that she meant just a true friendship while she still is with her partner, but me hoping that she meant it deeper. So now we are in silent agreement. I miss the communication with her terribly, but I am going on with my life. Very busy professionally, so I could devote a bit more energy there; have let things slide a bit in the past weeks... which is noticable in my performance and in the success of my projects - have to catch up a bit. But one thing I am quite sure: she misses the communication with me too. And it just depends, how much she will miss it, how much she will get satisfaction in her ongoing relationship for which she has opted. It must be really good for her... she seems quite convinced that she needs to stay in that relationship. But I know that she will eventually get her doubts. That hope lets me survive the coming weeks of silence. Now the time is working for me, I believe.

And if not, then to hell with the whole story. The world is full of gorgeous women. And eventually one will cross my path. Then there will be no opportunity for her remorse.

In her most recent emails now, after her return from the reconciling travel with her partner, she seemed very "soft spoken" in what she said, expressed. The choice of words very mild, as if she is sorry to have to say what she did. As if she was quite torn inside, but has made a choice that was not easy for her. And she surely felt sorry for me, as she replied.

Well, what a stupid story that is....