Hanging in there, without contact
Of course, I could not keep my course for a very long time. My course of silence that is. As I began my travel, I sent her a daily SMS, within the "allowed" and appropriate time between 10a and 5p. I know that this did not make any sense, considering the events of that past weekend, but what the hell.
No message back from her, probably her phone is empty again, as it has been several times in the past. My anger over her got slowly replaced by the relief that she is ok. I still cannot just give up. Nothing actually has been solved or finalized. Ok, she is with him on vacation. After an almost break-up, she went with him. But knowing her, knowing what she must feel now (knowing? I am an idiot.), knowing what she needs and wants, I belief that her relation with him is doomed. I assume that they have some serious talks during this vacation. If she is honest to him, she would tell him everything. I know that she loves me, although she has not ever said so. I intend to go through her emails and SMS, to make a compendium of all what she said that makes me interpret her feelings in that way.
This next week she will be returning. I, however, will again be on travel, and will return only on Sunday night. So there is still a whole week in silence. She will read my emails by midweek when she goes to work. I had sent quite a mad mail last Saturday, as I had gotten the SMS from her boyfriend. Then later an apologetic mail. Then more mails, about my travel. I could not stay quiet. She will then read all these emails. And she will have to finalise her decision. Either she stays with him. Then I will back off and move on with my life. Or she will leave him - then I will be ready for a relation with her. This decision will be made this week while I am on travel. So when I return on next Sunday, the situation will be clear.
This week was the longest time since the beginning that we had no contact to each other. Absolute silence. No SMS beep, no Outlook beep, no Google Gmail notification of an incoming mail from her. Nothing. And the same on her side - she cannot receive anything, the phone depleted. How does she take it? Just enjoying the beach and the boyfriend?
No message back from her, probably her phone is empty again, as it has been several times in the past. My anger over her got slowly replaced by the relief that she is ok. I still cannot just give up. Nothing actually has been solved or finalized. Ok, she is with him on vacation. After an almost break-up, she went with him. But knowing her, knowing what she must feel now (knowing? I am an idiot.), knowing what she needs and wants, I belief that her relation with him is doomed. I assume that they have some serious talks during this vacation. If she is honest to him, she would tell him everything. I know that she loves me, although she has not ever said so. I intend to go through her emails and SMS, to make a compendium of all what she said that makes me interpret her feelings in that way.
This next week she will be returning. I, however, will again be on travel, and will return only on Sunday night. So there is still a whole week in silence. She will read my emails by midweek when she goes to work. I had sent quite a mad mail last Saturday, as I had gotten the SMS from her boyfriend. Then later an apologetic mail. Then more mails, about my travel. I could not stay quiet. She will then read all these emails. And she will have to finalise her decision. Either she stays with him. Then I will back off and move on with my life. Or she will leave him - then I will be ready for a relation with her. This decision will be made this week while I am on travel. So when I return on next Sunday, the situation will be clear.
This week was the longest time since the beginning that we had no contact to each other. Absolute silence. No SMS beep, no Outlook beep, no Google Gmail notification of an incoming mail from her. Nothing. And the same on her side - she cannot receive anything, the phone depleted. How does she take it? Just enjoying the beach and the boyfriend?
posted by anonymous | 9:51 AM
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