Furious Finale.

Well, I cannot say that I have not been warned. The nice comment I got last week in this blog, my woman friends... I should have known. But love makes blind.

When going through that story until now, what can be learned from this? Probably nothing. Each story has its own twists, generalisations rarely can be made, specific situations cannot be transferred to other situations.

I just have to realize that I am an idiot. Something that you who read this whole think knew anyway. Yes, I should have known.

Ok, what happened?
I stayed awake late. So as not to miss her SOS-SMS. But that never came. I got up early in the morning. No new email, no SMS. Silence.

Is she in a hotel now, as she mentioned she would do?
What is the situation?

I am curious, but I do not want to send her an SMS. At least not before 10:00, as she had indicated in one of her rules yesterday, for the proper SMS conduct.

Then, I cannot hold myself back, and I send an SMS, asking if everything is ok? Her reply "everything is fine".

So what now?
This means she is back with him. All the hope from yesterday gone. I have to realize that I only will be at the outside. No matter what I imply, no matter what I believe that she maybe feels... the fact is that she is with him, and she wants to be with him. And I idiot simply have to accept that.

One last try: I reply with the SMS, asking then, since everything is fine, if she would come to the concert tonight. Afterall, if her boyfriend now is ok with her and me as a friend, then it should be no problem, to go out in friendship. No reply.

Ok, as I expected.

I run some Saturday morning errands. When I am back in my apartment, then suddenly an SMS comes. I now even resent looking at it, do not want to open it at all. It can only be something disappointing.

It is worse than that: it is a message from her boyfriend, on her phone. He says, everything is fine, and that I am acting inappropriately.

So here I have it. Made a complete fool of myself. That serves me right.

To save the last rest of dignity that I have, I write an email to her. A Good-bye. No more comms from me after that. She has the power to decide, and she has decided.

Then I reply to the SMS - it goes to her phone, but since Mr. boyfriend seems to have the control there, I address him directly. It took me a while, to get together all the courage to do this... but what the hell. I write that they are not married, and therefore, nothing is inappropriate. I also mention I will be quiet now, and that it is her choice.

And that is it.

A truly pathetic story. Does not deserve the title "Story of a Love". Better would be titled the "story of a moron".

I am still in love with her. I want to hang myself on a rope outside the window. But I will go to the concert tonight. Alone.
Maybe the boyfriend is there, will stab me or shoot me. I will gladly accept that death. (so watch the news, maybe you hear about me)

(ok, I am just kidding, no need to call 911 :) I am just trying to make a point here, about how desperate I am. That is what happens when someone like me grows up with watching too many soap operas :) )


I will now move on. I will not write her anymore. No emails, no SMS. No phone call. No going out to a gallery, to art, to music, nothing. No help at her work. No advice. I cannot be the good friend in the background.

Maybe there is somewhere someone like her. Just without an oboxious boyfriend.

I am quite unhappy. Really pathetic picture, full of self pity.
But what should I have done differently? I did what I felt needed to be done. I just have to accept reality: she wants a relation with her boyfriend, and not with me. Despite all her contradictory acting. I have to learn a lot more about women, I guess. (What about the fact that she would accept to stay for a while in my apartment??? Oh forget it... well, at least my apartment is presentable now, after my quick cleaning Friday night)

And unless something happens, I will stop writing in this blog. But I will leave it here online, as a monument to moronic behavior. I hate love! The worst thing that can happen to a man, is to fall in love.