Rapid Development!

I am quite breathless now. What has happened in the past few hours, beyond my control, could mean the breakthrough. Finally.

But let me start at the beginning.

The whole day on Friday relative silence. I am so glad that yesterday, Thursday, it worked out so well, with her and me meeting, informally, quite harmless, in public, just enjoying art, and getting to know each other finally from face to face. Such a pleasant evening. But from her no reply to my email. By noon I am again worried. Maybe she has concerns? I had sent her a link to a page where I had posted a few photographs that I made. In the afternoon a brief reply, but only with respect to the pictures. No mention of our evening.
I reply, talking a bit about taking photographs etc. Then we keep sending a few mails back and forth. Finally a comment from her regarding yesterday: she asks me to keep it quiet. She will not mention it to her boyfriend.
That is interesting. She has a bad conscience? But nothing really happened. However, since he knows her "interest" in the friendship with me, he is obviously easy to upset, and she wants to keep him at ease. Well, this is not exactly truthful of her, but I will play along. She also asks me to keep a low profile as she will be on travel next week - I should not send SMS at night, and not write anything inappropriate. I will comply with this, at least for now. In the future she should think of a better solution.

Then, a few hours later, it is already early evening, an email from her - she had a phone conversation with him. He actually had asked if she went with me. And she lied - denied it. But he did not buy it. And so they had a long argument on the phone. And then she told him that she actually met me. Suddenly this becomes a serious situation. I am right in the middle of it. Did I want this? If she decided to stay with him, then I would make no move to destroy her relationship. But if she would decide to "give me a chance", then of course I would not hesitate to continue.

Here I am facing now that big dilema, which has some ethical implications: should I, am I allowed to destroy an existing relationship? Well, I am actually not destroying anything. Just me being in love is not a crime. This cannot be avoided, and I cannot do anything against it. Then, she is in a relationship, but not in a marriage. She can do what ever she wants. If the relationship is good and strong, I would not matter at all, and she would continue her relationship completely unharmed. The plain fact that I do exist and that I love her, should not matter to her relationship - unless she feels that a possible relationship with me would be what she would want. In this case, I need to be there, available, open for her. I cannot just say to myself that there is a relationship, and that is sacrosanct, and I cannot do anything to damage it. I do not do it deliberately, but if my presence and my love damages this relationship, then maybe that relationship is not worth being preserved.

I am not playing any foul tricks. I had kept in the background, whenever she wanted me to remain there. I did not send SMS when it would be inappropriate. So I will continue this mode.

But now I am suddenly the center of her dispute with the boyfriend. And for the first time, she mentions she would leave him.

Now this is something unexpected. If she considers leaving him, then I shall be on her side. But of course, I also do not want to appear as to exploit her vulnerable situation now. Maybe her relationship is actually something really great, which is good for her life. Maybe I would not be the right person for her?

Such self-doubts are of course poisson in such a situation. Where is now my self-confidence? I am actually 100% sure that we two belong together. I have never been in the presence of such a woman with whom I could enjoy every aspect of her. It is mostly the mind of her with which I am in love, through all our emails. But of course, she is attractive, and we would make such a nice couple.

I offer her my help. She considers not going home tonight, staying at her work, sleeping in the office. I offer her the guest room in my apartment. She thanks, might actually consider it for a few days.

Now that is a completely changed situation. I cannot believe how fast it went this way. Is this really becoming true? I immediately begin cleaning the apartment, vacuum, clean the floors, remove the garbage, to convert that bachelor household into something that is presentable to a woman.

Shortly before 10:00p she leaves work, goes home afterall, to have a talk with her boyfriend. She would notify me in case she would need my support.

And so I am waiting now.