The first real meeting!
It came quite unexpected. Our emails this week were quite banal, just about work etc. I was already at home, had sent her an email, again reminding her of a concert for which I had tickets for two. So much for my refusing her a meeting... Her reply just 5 minutes after my email. She again declines the concert invitation. Not possible. But there would be today in the evening a vernissage, an exhibition of paintings in the ground floor of her apartment building. I could come on my way home from work.
I immediately realise that this was an actual invitation to meet her! Quick revision of my thinking. I am in love her, so why not take the chance to finally bring this relation into the "real world". Then we could see if this actually would develop into something real, instead of being this weird remote-longing-thing. Instead of sending her an email reply, I decide instead to call her. She sounds somewhat reluctant, seemingly afraid of her own courage. Tells me she has to work longer today, so it would be late. I could go there alone. But then she tells me, I should send her an SMS when I am going. This is the clear signal that she wants to meet me.
Ok. I cannot wait. Drive to the place. I do not have her address, just an approximate description of the building. I have never been in that neighborhood, cannot find a parking, and then I do not know which building it is exactly. It is already getting darker. So I SMS her for directions. She is still at work. She suggests then to meet me half way. I drive up to her work place. There she walks, coming towards me. Even as the darkness slowly sets in, I recognise her immediately. I stop, wave, open the door. She gets in the car.
A brief glance at each other, then I drive on as I would otherwise block the traffic. Immediately we talk as if we have known us for ages. Which is actually true: almost 8 weeks! Such a familiarity, a natural nice conversation. She gives directions to her home, then we park. Go to the reception and the vernissage. They serve wine. Paintings hang in the hallway, in an unfinished concrete basement-type of environment. Lots of people in suits there, then some crazy looking ones - the artists. We walk together from painting to painting, talking about them, the impressions, the observations, our opinions. Just wonderful. Sometimes we look at each other, but I keep the friendship look. There is a certain magic in this, and I enjoy this fully. It feels as if we have known each other for so long already. And this is our first real meeting. This shows that with the online email communication, one actually can build a relationship. For 1 1/2 hours we are together in this event, meet one of the crazy artists who poses in from of his work, and we talk with him. Interesting, weird character. Talks bad about the other artist's works. That seems to be how you can recognise an artist: someone who has strong opinions about art and how it should be.
Then the moment of separation. We walk outside. She accompanies me to my car. Then I hesitate. How should I behave now? Like the friendly colleague from work, just good-bye and go? A handshake would feel stupid here. Or a surprise hug? But I need to respect her wishes. She has made it clear that all she wants is a friendship. But I simply cannot just let her go like this. So I do something a bit half-hearted: as we just turn away, I put my hand on her shoulder, move my head forward, close to her head, our heads touch slightly. And that is it. We move on into our different directions.
Later from home I send a brief Good-night SMS, and her good-night reply follows in a few minutes.
So what should I think now about this?
I need some more time, to get clear about myself. A few more meetings with her, to see if there actually could be a relation. If she does not want to give up her existing relation, then I have the choice to either withdraw, or just to continue, accepting that I will be just "the thing on the side". I might do that for a while, forgetting my pride and self respect. Maybe.
But for now I simply enjoy the memories of that nice innocent magical evening with her. And for a while, I am truly happy.
I immediately realise that this was an actual invitation to meet her! Quick revision of my thinking. I am in love her, so why not take the chance to finally bring this relation into the "real world". Then we could see if this actually would develop into something real, instead of being this weird remote-longing-thing. Instead of sending her an email reply, I decide instead to call her. She sounds somewhat reluctant, seemingly afraid of her own courage. Tells me she has to work longer today, so it would be late. I could go there alone. But then she tells me, I should send her an SMS when I am going. This is the clear signal that she wants to meet me.
Ok. I cannot wait. Drive to the place. I do not have her address, just an approximate description of the building. I have never been in that neighborhood, cannot find a parking, and then I do not know which building it is exactly. It is already getting darker. So I SMS her for directions. She is still at work. She suggests then to meet me half way. I drive up to her work place. There she walks, coming towards me. Even as the darkness slowly sets in, I recognise her immediately. I stop, wave, open the door. She gets in the car.
A brief glance at each other, then I drive on as I would otherwise block the traffic. Immediately we talk as if we have known us for ages. Which is actually true: almost 8 weeks! Such a familiarity, a natural nice conversation. She gives directions to her home, then we park. Go to the reception and the vernissage. They serve wine. Paintings hang in the hallway, in an unfinished concrete basement-type of environment. Lots of people in suits there, then some crazy looking ones - the artists. We walk together from painting to painting, talking about them, the impressions, the observations, our opinions. Just wonderful. Sometimes we look at each other, but I keep the friendship look. There is a certain magic in this, and I enjoy this fully. It feels as if we have known each other for so long already. And this is our first real meeting. This shows that with the online email communication, one actually can build a relationship. For 1 1/2 hours we are together in this event, meet one of the crazy artists who poses in from of his work, and we talk with him. Interesting, weird character. Talks bad about the other artist's works. That seems to be how you can recognise an artist: someone who has strong opinions about art and how it should be.
Then the moment of separation. We walk outside. She accompanies me to my car. Then I hesitate. How should I behave now? Like the friendly colleague from work, just good-bye and go? A handshake would feel stupid here. Or a surprise hug? But I need to respect her wishes. She has made it clear that all she wants is a friendship. But I simply cannot just let her go like this. So I do something a bit half-hearted: as we just turn away, I put my hand on her shoulder, move my head forward, close to her head, our heads touch slightly. And that is it. We move on into our different directions.
Later from home I send a brief Good-night SMS, and her good-night reply follows in a few minutes.
So what should I think now about this?
I need some more time, to get clear about myself. A few more meetings with her, to see if there actually could be a relation. If she does not want to give up her existing relation, then I have the choice to either withdraw, or just to continue, accepting that I will be just "the thing on the side". I might do that for a while, forgetting my pride and self respect. Maybe.
But for now I simply enjoy the memories of that nice innocent magical evening with her. And for a while, I am truly happy.
posted by anonymous | 11:02 PM
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