bummer

So what am I supposed to do? What was I supposed to do?
After that wonderful meeting 2 weeks ago, - nothing.
I thought that is was clear that she liked me... the shy tender hugs, even in public, in front of the Cafe...
Ok, I must have again misunderstood something....

No meeting since then. I wanted to help her with some things at her work, but she declined. I hesitated to call her... but I sent SMS. She acted surprised... referred to our agreement that SMS are only for relationships... ok, I get it.

And then, just this Friday, her email that she will soon celebrate her 2nd anniversary with her partner, and they will go on a very romantic trip.

Ok, there is nothing more clear than that. Only a blind idiot (like me, for example) could still find a grain of hope in that...

I did not reply to that email. Nor do I intend to. I will just leave it unanswered. And I will look for something / somebody else.

There is just this tiny little problem: that I am crazy in love with her. No other woman even comes close. Sure, I look, keep the eyes open. I see many women, pretty ones, smart ones, sexy ones, modest ones, every one unique and beautiful in her own way. But I cannot bring myself to develop any feeling for any of them... as long as I am still in love. So I am paralysed here, stuck in that place.

In a love without a relationship. And in a relationship without love (my marriage). I am really stuck.