Me and women
So what is it with me and my fatal love for women? Something must be wrong with me... how could this have happened? This relationship was doomed from the beginning. And I did not want to realize this.
I think I do have a much too romantizised view of love and relationship. This could be, because as a child I often watched those movies from the 40s and 50s... with their decency, and the happy endings of relationship and courting. Somehow I have incorporated the sentiments of those movies into my attitude towards women.
I have been in love as far as I can think back, even as a child. I was in love with girls in my 1st grade in school. Throughout my school years, there was always some girl with whom I had fallen in love. And of course for a child, this is not really appropriate - so I hid it. Then, during adolescence when it became actually appropriate, I continue to hide it, being embarrassed to show my affection. It took quite some effort until I was able to make that transition into real relationships. My shyness caused me great pain, as several times I was not able to win the heart of the adored girl. But finally I succeeded. However, my romantic view of relationships made me very monogamous. Other guys had girls left and right... but I always stayed with the girl with whom I was at the time - even if my love had gone lost. And this happened a few times, and I was quite shocked about that: that love sometimes just disappears, and an empty relationship remains. Because I did not want to hurt the girl's feeling, I stayed with her, despite that my love for her had gone. When I finally found the courage to terminate that relation, it felt so bad at that time - but I never regretted that termination. Somehow I am in the same situation now, regarding my marriage. Situations never seem to change, everything repeats itself...
I fell in love quite rarely. But when it happened, I instantly knew it, and there was nothing I could do against it. During the decay of my marriage, I fell in love with other women twice. But nothing happened... since I was married, those women kept at distance.
And now, during the actual physical separation from my wife, I fell again in love. Seems to happen only every 6 years or so...
Well, I will carry on somehow.
If anyting happens regarding this story, I will update the blog here. Otherwise I will be silent - and this story will stand as a remainder of male stupidity. Well, of my stupidity.
I think I do have a much too romantizised view of love and relationship. This could be, because as a child I often watched those movies from the 40s and 50s... with their decency, and the happy endings of relationship and courting. Somehow I have incorporated the sentiments of those movies into my attitude towards women.
I have been in love as far as I can think back, even as a child. I was in love with girls in my 1st grade in school. Throughout my school years, there was always some girl with whom I had fallen in love. And of course for a child, this is not really appropriate - so I hid it. Then, during adolescence when it became actually appropriate, I continue to hide it, being embarrassed to show my affection. It took quite some effort until I was able to make that transition into real relationships. My shyness caused me great pain, as several times I was not able to win the heart of the adored girl. But finally I succeeded. However, my romantic view of relationships made me very monogamous. Other guys had girls left and right... but I always stayed with the girl with whom I was at the time - even if my love had gone lost. And this happened a few times, and I was quite shocked about that: that love sometimes just disappears, and an empty relationship remains. Because I did not want to hurt the girl's feeling, I stayed with her, despite that my love for her had gone. When I finally found the courage to terminate that relation, it felt so bad at that time - but I never regretted that termination. Somehow I am in the same situation now, regarding my marriage. Situations never seem to change, everything repeats itself...
I fell in love quite rarely. But when it happened, I instantly knew it, and there was nothing I could do against it. During the decay of my marriage, I fell in love with other women twice. But nothing happened... since I was married, those women kept at distance.
And now, during the actual physical separation from my wife, I fell again in love. Seems to happen only every 6 years or so...
Well, I will carry on somehow.
If anyting happens regarding this story, I will update the blog here. Otherwise I will be silent - and this story will stand as a remainder of male stupidity. Well, of my stupidity.
posted by anonymous | 4:29 PM
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